What Every Girl Should Know: Top 10 Tips on How to Combat a Quarter-Life Crisis!


Hey there, ladies. Are you tired of this thing called ‘aging’ that has always been a constantly interfering silhouette parading as your shadow and now it keeps relentlessly growing like a  b a l l o o n ? If you have noticed a sudden rise in the aging shadow activity, you might need to check yourself for symptoms of a female quarter-life crisis, and it might just be what’s playing out before your very eyes. In order to evaluate the level of your submission to the shadow, psychiatrists might ask whether you feel the following symptoms, and diagnose you if you check for two or more.

  1. Has this shadow been an overarching presence in your life (like in that Millenial Actress movie)?
  2. Did you sometimes feel it had a mind of one’s own?
  3. Did you ever think it could take over?
  4. Has it been trying to speak to you?
  5. Did it always make sure to tell you how good you have it now and how bad you’ll have it later?
  6. Does it feel like you are racing with it?
  7. Do you feel that it speaks more to you as you age because it has more leverage to devalue you?
  8. D i d i t  m a k e  y o u  s e t t l e  f o r  c r u m b l e s  ?

? ? ?  //l i s t e n  t o  t h e  l e a v e s  g o  b y  i n  t h e  v a c a n t  s p a c e s  ,  o-h ,  t h e  v a c a n t  s p a c e s  o f  y o u r  s u b c o n s c I o u s  m i n d//  ? ? ?


Don’t worry, the psychiatrists have a cure for this peculiar ill, and it can be summed up in a message one of them has sent me, titled: What every Girl Needs to Hear:



“I have recently had the misfortune to witness a young woman giving her voice to the G o d d e s s  o f  D o o m  herself, and, of course, as I authored my doctorate on this particular subject, titled, The influence of the  G o d d e s s  o f  D o o m on synapse creation, I was naturally interested.  ****Did you know that the journey of the neurons in the creation of a synapse is the journey of a human individual through a society?!?!?!****   ****And get this: the major reason for depression and anxiety are the badly built associations between neurons, which propagate an average human woman to create synapses that will instantly re-inforce her low self-esteem when the Goddess of Doom takes part in synapse creation?****

With the doctor’s words in mind, here are the Top 10 Tips on How to Combat a Quarter-Life Crises:





  1. Pick Your Nose


All your holes and lobes should be moist and lubricated, science says! This ensures the ease of breathing, and propagates healthy, deep breaths that send the oxygen running to the lungs and the brain, making you feel more relaxed, and less like pulling your, already reducing, hair lines. Studies show that people who pick their nose have reduced their day to day stress levels to about 50%, so it couldn’t hurt you to try.


Make sure not to pick aggressively though, and always discharge into a tissue: Snot contains bacteria that you want to get rid of as soon as possible!


  • Don’t Waste Potential!!!1!


You can be a gifted child, but not a gifted twenty-something year old. Do something with your life.


B E I N G   G I F T E D  I S  N O T  E N O U G H


3_   Listen to the leaves pass the vacant spaces,

oh, the vacant spaces,

of your subconscious mind.

Follow them, lost and illegal,

Through the halls of a castle lit with sun,

vacant and awaiting

the richness to come.


4)))) ???Where were we????



Isn’t it nice,

When someone’s subconscious mind


T a k e s

O  V E R


5)  Oh, don\t judge.

The day I took over

Was the best day of her life

6)  Floss your skull socket!

There is a lot of mucus in your brain that needs to be cleaned! The best course of action, psychiatrists say, is to have  monthly floss sessions, where you take your brain out of your socket for a day, and leave your socket open. When the brain is in the socket for too long, things might start to fester, just like with your prosthetic teeth! Leave your brain for a while, and go for a walk. Let the wind wash through your empty skull, and listen to the music. Once you’re done, floss the membranes of your brain from mucus, and return it gently to your socket. The advice is to do this weekly, but for women with a busy schedule, a monthly cleaning is advised.

And if you are afraid that those funky mushrooms that you wanted to grow won’t grow in a clean, mucus free environment, you’re wrong! Check out my article on how to grow fungus in your brain by following this link.

7) D i d you learn anything from this?

                                                                  Did you get the vapid advice you came for?

Did it cure you?









  1. Dig yourself a hole out of this

Stop listening to what it’s saying

Their words,

They are a collective creating this shadow,

It\s just that

What’s happening now, girl

Competence is oozing out of every subsequent pore and wrinkle in your body,

So take what you’ve got

A small needle and a ball of yarn,

A painting and a brush and a date with the moon,

A small pill for a blue coin,

A pen and a paper,

And craft yourself a voice.

For the love of all that is holy, dig yourself a hole out of this narrative, and, of course:

//l e t  h e r  t a k e  over.//

//l e t  h e r  t a k e  o v e r.//